I tried really honest profiles and very silly ones. It’s funny, though; just like in real life, you often know right away when something is going to click with a match, even online.

So in the end, pictures and descriptions, though helpful, didn’t actually make that much of a difference. I have had many, many awkward first dates that usually end there.

I had little confidence that anyone would ever be willing to step into my mess of a life.” When her husband died on 9/11, Abigail Carter, author of ( was still in her thirties and the mother of two young children.

What has been the biggest challenge for you as a widow who’s dating again?

Probably convincing myself that I was still worthy of dating at all.

I started feeling sexier and worthy of finding love, which helped me a lot. What advice would you give to widows and widowers heading back into the world of dating right now? Don’t fall into the mindset of thinking, “I could never date again.” can do it. I went into every date thinking, “If nothing else, I will meet someone nice,” and I almost always did.

Try not to hide behind your partner dying or use it as an excuse to not get yourself back out there. I think the trick is taking the pressure off yourself.

My date has time to process it without me having to see the stricken look on his face when I mention it over hors d’oeuvres.

But there have been dates where I found myself in the rat’s hole of answering questions like, “So how did he die?I had fallen into that married rut: still wearing my breast-feeding nightie to bed (my son was two at the time), buying my undies at Safeway, mom jeans, haircuts at Supercuts, etc. I will never allow myself to slide into complacency in whatever future relationship I find myself in.As I began dating in earnest, I discovered a whole new world of lingerie, flattering jeans and great haircuts.When you’re dating someone new, how do you bring up the fact that you are a widow? I have tried dropping the “widow bomb” in all sorts of ways.Mentioning it in emails leading up to the date is actually the easiest way of dealing with it.Having gone through such a major trauma — losing my husband — my outlook on life changed and I realized how short life was.